Welcome to Ryan Email Club, thank you for open!
Introducing NEW email to view on device.
Back on New Year’s Day, a dear friend of mine told me if I didn’t “make something” this year, she would stop talking to me. If you know me well enough, you know that’s a savvy threat: I respond well to emotional manipulation and generous deadlines.
I got to work immediately. I founded this Substack on January 1. A mere eight months later, I started drafting my first post. Here I am, well ahead of schedule, with two entire months left until one of my best friends ghosts me forever, establishing what will become one of the most influential stacks on the entire subosphere.
Due to deadline pressures, I haven’t quite nailed down the branding, topical focus, or overall purpose for this Substack. But I took solace and inspiration from the new NHL team in Utah, whom also have decided that picking out things like a name, logo, or any sort of identifying features aren’t important. If I may borrow the parlance of hockey enthusiasts, what is important is getting out there on that ice skating rink and shooting that hockey puck around with your hockey utensil.
So, welcome to the Ryan Email Club!
I’ll try to do this every week or so, write a little bit, share a few links, maybe post a “tortoise pic of the week,” impart a helpful Wordle hint, tell you about an exciting new investment opportunity in AI cryptocurrency trading. I’m open to suggestions, open to this being a regular back-and-forth with you and with each other, open to other people writing instead of me once in a while. Ask the important people in your life, “What do we need from the Ryan Email Club?” Relay to me their honesty and befuddled apathy.
Some topics I’m considering eventually writing about: strange happenings in Seattle; baseball fan fiction; complaints about running, my favorite hobby; forceful defenses of world-class breaker Raygun; intimate interviews with dogs; public media news from across Alaska; and, of course, reactionary takes on inconsequential ephemera.
The inaugural, involuntary members of the Ryan Email Club are friends whose email addresses I’ve obtained in one way or another. I won’t be offended if you opt out, nor will I be mortified if you share with others. Consider this a gift with a return receipt, except the gift costs no money and you’ll get nothing of value for returning it.
Thank you for your willful readership!
-Ryan
Click Roulette
The below links match one of the two descriptions provided for each. Click at your own peril!
CLICK HERE FOR LINK ONE. This is either:
A nice video of a car driving in the countryside that is suddenly and violently interrupted by a screaming ghoul.
A video of a small dog shooting soda cans with rubber bands.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK TWO. This is either:
A podcast episode where a man wearing sunglasses and a Tapout T-shirt explains to another man wearing sunglasses and a Tapout T-shirt why “the doctor community” is wrong about syphilis being bad.
A video of an unruly monkey making a girl sad.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK THREE. This is either:
An Instagram post from a sandwich influencer announcing they will be taking a break from sandwiches.
A video of a man bonking crocodiles in the head with a shovel.
Tortoise pic of the week
Wordle hint (SPOILER)
They’re gonna have to do PENIS eventually.
An exciting new investment opportunity in AI cryptocurrency trading
Don’t.
i was really disappointed by the result of link 2
You made good stuff!