How to find out someone's name when it's way too late to ask

An Etiquette Guide explainer.

May 16, 2025

This week, we have a question for the Ryan Email Club Etiquette Guide:

Question for RYAN EMAIL CLUB: what do I do when there’s an acquaintance whose name I’ve never remembered, but it’s way too late for me to ask (over a year) and they’re not easily stalk-able on the internet.

This is a great question from a dear friend of mine. I think we’ve all encountered this problem before, whether it was at a party or a work event or some other scenario where it would be undoubtedly embarrassing to flub one’s name.

In Chapter 17, Section Seven, the RECEG offers multiple troubleshooting techniques for discovering a person’s name without directly asking for it. My personal favorite is introducing the person in question to a co-conspiring friend, who can introduce themselves and ask for a name.

Another method is to gather everyone in the room into a circle, and instruct all to share their name and an arbitrary fact about themselves. The arbitrary fact is intended to cloak the designed purpose of the exercise, and RECEG neither requires nor encourages committing the arbitrary fact to memory.

The RECEG notes that asking for a person’s name upon meeting them is the ideal moment to request this basic identifying detail. Waiting until subsequent encounters adds exponential levels of awkwardness. If one were to meet, get to know, develop closeness with, spend an entire life with, and lie dying in the arms of another person before asking for their name, the RECEG theorizes that the level of awkwardness would be so extreme that both people would instantaneously explode. So it’s vitally important to address the issue as soon as possible.

The RECEG’s list of troubleshooting techniques is robust and comprehensive. I encourage anyone to review 17:7 of the RECEG and select a method that suits your needs and sensibilities.

I really want to thank my good friend for asking this question. This friend, who is such an impressive and cordial individual, has many great qualities and unique traits. I could go on and on about this person, whom I admire greatly, but I don’t want to overwhelm them with my profuse flattery. Though I’m sure other Email Club readers have nice things to say about this person as well. Feel free to leave your kind, detailed notes for this mutual friend of ours in the comments!

Me and this special person go way back. Wayyy back. We’ve known each other for a long time, is what I’m saying. I remember we were at a backyard barbecue once, and I talked to this lovely friend of mine for close to 6 or 7 minutes. We shared how we each independently had become acquainted with the host of the barbecue, and I complimented this friend on their hat or shoes or something like that. Were any other REC readers at that barbecue? Do you guys remember who all was there? Anyway, it was a pleasure to catch up with this dear old friend that one time!

I feel like I could call this person up anytime, like I could always depend on them if I needed help. It’s rare to meet someone like that. If you don’t know my friend — the one who asked the brilliant question above about not remembering the name of an acquaintance — you really ought to. Hey, maybe I can introduce you sometime! If you don’t know my friend, just leave a note in the comments. You can say something like, “My name is [insert your name here]. What’s your name? And what’s your favorite kind of dog?” Maybe everyone who reads the Ryan Email Club can just reply to this email with their name and favorite kind of dog and what they were wearing at that backyard barbecue that one time.

To close, I just want to again thank this superb friend of mine, who is just one of the best around. I hope you all get to know them as well as I know them, and I know them a lot! Please do not ask me any questions about my friend.

Do you have a question about etiquette?

Whether it concerns public transit, public urinals, or something else entirely, the REC Etiquette Guide has all the answers!

Reply to this email, leave a comment, or send me a message, and I’ll respond in next week’s email.

Click Roulette

The below links match one of the two descriptions provided for each. Click at your own peril!

CLICK HERE FOR LINK ONE. This is either:
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- A seagull pretending to be a cat so he can get food from a vending machine for cats.

CLICK HERE FOR LINK TWO. This is either:
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- A tiny baby piglet clickety-clacking down a hallway so she can show you her favorite blanket.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK THREE. This is either:
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