Oops! All Click Roulettes.
So much clicking.
Introductory apology section
This week’s edition of the Ryan Email Club is a jumbo portion of Click Roulettes. I am sorry.
Click Roulette has been one of my favorite features of the weekly emails, because it’s the sort of low-effort, high-engagement content I’ve been professionally trained to believe is good. And really, actually, I love coming up with the fake descriptions.
On occasion, some of you have told me that you wished the fake things were the real things, which I consider the highest Click Roulette praise. One of these days, I promise I will endeavor to actualize some — some! — of these fake things.
A few of you may wonder: How do I find all these strange links to click on? Well, mostly, I don’t! I do find my own links on occasion, but I frequently and shamelessly steal my click fodder from friends and acquaintances. This week, of course, is no exception.
If you’d like to send me some weird video of a guy belching “Hey Jude” in a minor key or whatever, please do. I might use it in a future Click Roulette, or I might just watch it on my phone at full volume in a public library reading room. Either way, I am grateful.
Savvy readers may have noticed that I always put the fake description first, followed by the real description of the link. To mix things up, this week I’ve randomly ordered the fake and real descriptions. If this results in an unfortunate experience clicking on something you didn’t want to see, I am sorry. But I already had to see it, so maybe I’m not so sorry. And I am really sorry about that.
Click Roulette: JUMBO Edition
The below links match one of the two descriptions provided for each. Click at your own peril!
CLICK HERE FOR LINK ONE. This is either:
A never-before-released audio recording, circa 1959, of a young Pope Francis trying out a standup bit about bad drivers that just isn’t working.
An octopus going into a hole and it sounds like a fart.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK TWO. This is either:
A ZIP file that holds 10,476 photos of Oscar-winning actor Ernest Borgnine taken from a discreet distance.
A little felt frog making a little cake.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK THREE. This is either:
The entirety of Francis Ford Coppola’s “Megalopolis” crammed into a one-minute, 16-second GIF, which is honestly the best way to watch it.
A news website that only publishes stories about good things happening.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK FOUR. This is either:
A panda blooper reel.
A Bluesky account that posts drawings of “Love is Blind” contestants as cats.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK FIVE. This is either:
A hat that makes your head look like a sexy elephant.
Sandals that make your toes look like a tongue that licks things.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK SIX. This is either:
A press conference where a disgraced cow takes questions from children dressed like reporters.
A phone conversation between an AI chatbot and a parrot.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK SEVEN. This is either:
An essay written by the Dunkin’ Donuts guy on
’s Substack.A essay written by me in
by .
CLICK HERE FOR LINK EIGHT. This is either:
Honest-to-god the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my whole life.
A Turkish man vibing in his bulk nuts shop.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK NINE. This is either:
Charlene Yi impersonating a turtle eating lettuce.
An epic marble run.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK TEN. This is either:
The music video for English singer Rick Astley’s 1987 smash single, “Never Gonna Give You Up.”
An epic marble run.
Do you have a question about etiquette?
Whether it concerns public transit, public urinals, or something else entirely, the REC Etiquette Guide has all the answers!
Reply to this email, leave a comment, or send me a message, and I’ll respond in next week’s email.
Tortoise pic of the week
Wordle hint (SPOILER)
I lost my streak this week. :(
Song of the week
“Billboard Heart” by Deep Sea Diver
Quote of the week
“Are you nervous about the return trip?”
— Michael Barbaro, host of podcast “The Daily,” asking two astronauts who are already in space
OK that man was very beautiful, but his hands made me very uncomfortable.