Welcome to the 🔥🍖Boar’s Head® Beef Roast🍖🔥
Revealing the Ryan Email Club's new beef supreme.
Introductory apology section
In last week’s email, I asked Ryan Email Club readers to pick a rival newsletter with which to start a knock-down, drag-out beef war. The choices were:
- by
- by
- by
All three of these substacks are perfectly fine publications written by decent folks. But by the slimmest of margins, Email Club readers have decided that I must excoriate
for the foreseeable future.To the as-of-now deplorable
: I am sorry. Except actually I am not sorry, because we are beef enemies now, and being beef enemies means never having to say you’re sorry.To get the beef strogan-off to a hot start, I am inaugurating a new section of the Ryan Email Club: 🔥🍖Boar’s Head® Beef Roast🍖🔥.1 Check it out below!
-Ryan
🔥🍖Boar’s Head® Beef Roast🍖🔥
I’d rather take a nap than read Jo Firestone’s Passionate SNOOZEletter. The passions aren’t even that good. Here’s a list of some of the dumbest passions: spaghetti; the Reddit self-publishing forums; chip clips shaped like chips; the Barnes and Noble bathrooms; sweatpants; finishing a bottle of vitamins; being on the side of a pool; Southwest Airlines. These are passions that an actual insane person or my mom would have. Literally one of the passions was just “the moon.” The moon is a sad Earth-simp that makes the water go up and down. People don’t even live there. Your passions are so bad that you have to ask your readers for better ones. You want my reader passion? Here’s my reader passion: Definitely NOT reading Jo Firestone’s Passionate Newsletter. And yeah, I realize that NOT reading the newsletter means I’m NOT a reader and I am categorically NOT qualified to offer a “reader” passion, so don’t even think of bringing that up. Anyway, talk to you later.
Click Roulette
The below links match one of the two descriptions provided for each. Click at your own peril!
CLICK HERE FOR LINK ONE. This is either:
An extended Cyber Monday deal on a blanket covered in a woven illustration of Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney kissing with “perfect harmony” written in cursive across the bottom.
A marmot taking a bath.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK TWO. This is either:
A supercut video of all the times Arnold Schwarzenegger says “Turbo Man” in the 1996 Christmas comedy “Jingle All the Way.”
A TikTok account that’s just an Italian man dancing with a pig wearing sunglasses.
CLICK HERE FOR LINK THREE. This is either:
That dream you had last night that you can’t remember how it ends.
An iguana eating Little Caesar’s pizza.
Tortoise pic of the week
Wordle hint (SPOILER)
The Nov. 21 word of the day was SPINE.
Inscrutable Notes app note of the week
The loop in Chicago!!!
I am so sorry. This is a shirt I stole from urban outfitters
— Note from July 19, 2014
Buttons
Boar’s Head Provision Co., Inc., is not affiliated with and has not endorsed the 🔥🍖Boar’s Head® Beef Roast🍖🔥. Boar’s Head Provision Co., Inc., representatives are encouraged to reach out to the Ryan Email Club for a lucrative partnership opportunity.
dang u roasted me so good. my new passion: this beef!
I am disappointed in the results of the vote, but, nonetheless, I am now a devoted jo firestone hater. Look out, jo! On behalf of my favorite email club, I will be sifting through your works with a fine tooth comb looking for any excuse to be outraged! You have been warned.